The McGill Nightly

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REPORT: What Did Provosts Do Before the Virus?

March 18|Lots of views|

The worst thing to happen to humanity, the best thing to happen to a Provost. Source: Deputy Photography Provost.

You may have wondered, what did Provosts do before the virus? The Nightly has completed an in-depth investigation, and here are our findings:
  • Practicing their vlogging skills in the case of a pandemic/zombie apocalypse: Provosts practiced 3 hours a day reading emotionlessly off their phone, and an extra 6 hours a day making the background of the video look SUPER important.

  • Covering up the fact they make $165,000 a year: 165k seems like an exorbitant salary, but so much of a Provost’s effort is spent covering up this fact that the workload ends up meriting this amount.

  • Sending long emails without saying anything: This skill has proved extremely useful during the crisis, allowing people to scroll through paragraphs and paragraphs of ramblings every day to find out if their classes will be going online or not.

  • Choosing a new varsity team name: Provosts spend 8 hours a day debating whether the new varsity name should be a thing McGill students don't care about or some other thing McGill students don't care about.

  • Figuring out how many titles to put before their names: This is yet another one of the full time jobs that people like Associate Deputy Dr. Reverend Provost Harry Woodward have to do on a daily basis.

  • Being Marty the Martlet: Yes, we were surprised too, but it turns out every time you've seen the beloved McGill mascot it has in fact been one of the Provosts under the suit.
And of course, most of their time was spent provosting.
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