BREAKING: SSMU Ousts Student Over "Propaganda Trip" to France
03/12/2019|Lots of views|
France. Source: Deputy Provost, whatever that means.
SSMU wrighted Jordan Wrong in a major way as they called for his resignation due to his decision to go on a free trip to France, the McGill Delit bleakly reported. Despite the board of directors unanimously agreeing that no conflict of interest was involved, SSMU councillors decided to personally target Jordan because their main job is to solve complex geo-political issues, not run the school.
SSMU had an emergency meeting to discuss the situation. There were only 2 hours of content initially, but SSMU’s totally necessary formalities extended the meeting from 2 hours to an astounding 42 hours. Their livestream had a record viewership of three, tripling the usual numbers. The meeting finally ended in an 11-9 vote on the topic against Jordan. The nine councillors who voted in Jordan’s favor were seen tiptoeing out of the meeting with free plane tickets to France occupying their pockets.
The entire fiasco would have been avoided had it not been for the beloved napkin company ‘The McGill Daily’. They had written an article bashing the “propaganda trip”, tying the trip's funding to Napoleon Bonaparte, Joan of Arc, Edouard Phillipe, and every other french person with a net worth of above $100 million. They continued on to insist that this was “totally not Anti-Frenchitism”.
We took our reporters to interview le-Hîllél about the trip. They insisted that the completely free, all expenses paid trip was "not a bribe at all" while simultaneously sliding them a briefcase full of baguettes and snails under the table. In the interest of full disclosure, we should note that our reporters happily took the bribe.
French students, alumni, and donors gave the McGill administration more complaints than it had ever received about anything else in history. Unfortunately, this was the one time the administration had actually done nothing wrong. This incident was yet another example of the student’s society’s long history of persecuting French students, such as their targeting of Jean-Jacques Noah Lou in 2017.
To show their unwavering support for Jordan, McGill’s French student community opted to make a ‘Smoke In Solidarity’ campaign, encouraging students who supported Jordan to smoke cigarettes to show their support. As of yesterday, the French community boasts 100% engagement, with the percentages set to hit 120% as the French compete to outsmoke each other in an astounding show of support.
More updates will come as the story breaks, although they will come in a delay as all our writers are on free trips to France.