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Fights to the Death for Prime Time Desks in McLennan Library Have Begun

December 1, 2019|Lots of views|

First floor of McLennan Library. Source: bleeding out Photography major.

Blood spattered the walls of McLennan Library as fights to the death for prime time desks have begun, our critically injured reporters barely managed to confirm.
Usually a routine biannual occurrence, the war this year has intensified due to Shulich Library being closed for renovations. This forced thousands of deskless science students to cross campus and join in the bloodshed.The mightiest of the science students (a 5 foot 10 senior weighing 140 pounds) led the students into battle valiantly until he was stepped on by a varsity athlete trying to figure out what this ‘library’ thing is.

Nerds who had lived at their precious desks since add-drop period were among the many students mercilessly ousted from their spots by evil oppressors. Among the oppressors were the McGill Daily’s editors, who immediately issued ‘desk acknowledgements’ after stealing desks so it would be totally acceptable.

The mindless murder and chaos was particularly challenging for first year students, who have never experienced McGill finals before. They rushed to the de-stress station to distract themselves from the war, only to realize a 10,000 piece puzzle of the open ocean is actually more stressful than finals. They decided to flee through the Redpath Library exit, but soon perished not from the war but from the deafening noise the doors subsequently emitted.

At press time, the 6th floor of McLennan was completely empty because everyone is too lazy to climb stairs or wait for the elevator.
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