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McGill Vampires Rejoice As Daylight Savings Moves Sunset to 2PM

November 10, 2019|Lots of views|

McGill at 11:30am. Source: Student running home frantically to save his blood.

As McGill students enjoyed one extra hour in Cafe Campus and said goodbye to the sun for the next 6 months, vampires all over campus celebrated the clocks changing as it signified the sun setting at 2pm until late May. The vampires had lain in wait for the summer months, drooling as they dreamed of the all you can eat buffet known to students as Leacock 132. They had found shelter in Redpath Museum so no human would find them. But now that the long night has started at McGill, they are finally free to hunt down overworked poli-sci students and befriend TAs, the other species of blood-sucking fiends inhabiting McGill.

McGill's high vampire population can be attributed to its strong world ranking. Not its Normal World Rankings, where McGill is only ranked #48, but its World Vampire University Ranking, where McGill is ranked second worldwide. This is primarily because of the early sunsets and because the administration doesn’t care when french students go missing. McGill was ranked behind only U of T, more commonly known as University of Transylvania. Although their meal plan and academics pale in comparison, U of T took the title due to a superior social scene.

The vampire news came as a total surprise to the student body since McGill warned its students of the impending dangers via SSMU’s weekly emails. To protect the vulnerable students, the administration frantically ramped up security by attaching loud sirens to every convenient door on campus. Students were subsequently advised to find shelter in the McGill libraries after dusk at 1pm to avoid the hungry vampires, which thankfully did not change anyone’s schedule. Students were also encouraged to bring garlic to their 8:30 classes, so they would be safe when walking home in the dark afterwards.

At press time, McGill was advertising it would no longer sell bottled blood by May 2020.
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