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Kansas City Cheers On as McGill Wins Super Bowl

February 9|Lots of views|

Kansas City releases their new logo. Source: Kansas City’s graphic designer, Laurent Duvernay-Tardif

The Kansas City Chiefs cheered on as McGill University, also known as Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, won Super Bowl LIV. Laurent single-handedly won the Super Bowl for McGill, playing the entire game as the defensive line, offensive line, and kicker, and serving as team physician, because a little known fact about him is that he has a medical degree. Duvernay-Tardif sealed the game for McGill by catching an amazing 80 yard hail mary he threw to himself. With the historic win, McGill is now only 200 Super Bowl winning players away from tying any Division I American school.

Among the excited fans was Big Suze, principal of McGill and now Super Bowl champion, as according to her. Despite reprimanding them for not changing their team name to ‘The Kansas City Varsity Team’, she excitedly emailed the Chiefs her ring size. To her dismay, they never received her email because she sent it via Minerva.

President Trump’s tweet congratulating the state of Kansas for the victory was widely mocked by McGillians and non-Super Bowl winners alike, as everyone knows McGill is in Quebec, not Kansas.

McGillians were quick to note that there were no Harvard alumni in the Super Bowl this year. Our guess is that Harvard alumni are too smart to draft to a league with more career ending concussions than players. Although Harvard Medical School seems to have a better understanding of brain trauma, at least McGill Medical School has the edge when it comes to teaching football.

At press time, Big Suze was waiting at the Y intersection for the Chiefs’ victory parade to pass by.
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