The McGill Nightly

McGill's Second Least Trusted News Source

McGill Receives Two Feet of Reminder Why We Hate it Here

November 17, 2019|Lots of views|

A picture of the arts building after the snowfall. Source: one of those annoying tourists.

Not a single person celebrated as two feet of reminder why we hate it here fell from the sky, reporters confirmed Tuesday morning. The harsh reminder fell for 12 straight hours, drilling home the point that international students made a mistake by coming here and local students made a mistake by staying here.

No one would have been prepared for the blizzard had it not been for the city's most reliable news source, MTLblog. Their article “You Won’t Believe What Substance Will Be Covering Montreal” quickly and accurately warned about the blizzard 3 days after it happened so everyone could be prepared. The McGill Nightly tried to reach out for comment, but our staff couldn’t find the ‘Contact Us’ button amidst the sea of ads on their site.

Santa Claus himself was among the people quick to react to the storm. In a letter sent down the chimney of the Nightly’s offices, Santa said he would not be making it to Montreal for Christmas because “it’s just too damn snowy”. He continued on to ramble about high sales tax in Quebec crippling his profit margins and the Quebec government making him translate the names of all his reindeer to Jean-Jacques-Rudolph.

The harsh weather deterred the vast majority of people from leaving their shelter, except for those tourists who still made it outdoors in the blizzard to take dumb photos on McTavish Street. Cold students were also among those brave enough to leave the indoors, driven so far as to show up to class just for the superior heating systems. One student tried to attend his 8:30 class at McMed for this reason, tragically dying on the way up the hill from severe altitude sickness and frostbite.

Another group negatively affected by the weather is the snowmen and snowwomen subject to various racially based torture, such as humans walking, driving, and urinating on their genetic material. However, the McGill Daily refused to endorse a ‘yes’ vote to the Snowmen Equity Fee, stating that snowmen benefit from white privilege.

At press time, the Quebec health inspector was seen hiding in a mound of snow, waiting for a violation to pounce on.
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