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The McGill (Nightly)

McGill's Second Least Trusted News Source

“Not Big Enough”- Big Suze Deserves More Money

20/12/2021|A ton of views|
What Big Suze deserves more of. Source: Not Big Suze’s wallet, unfortunately.
What Big Suze deserves more of. Source: Not Big Suze’s wallet, unfortunately.

In a bombshell report released earlier this week, Big Suze’s salary was revealed to be a meager 800,000 dollars a year. The Nightly is appalled by how low this number is. Do you know how many kids get sent to the principal's office in a school of 40,000 students? How many parents she needs to call because their children are playing hooky? How many misbehaving kids need to be spanked? Big Suze works incredibly hard, and her salary should reflect that.

Reporters confirmed that Big Suze was struggling to get by on her measly six-figure salary, barely affording the mortgages on her Cancun estate, her Belize mansion, and her superyacht docked in Aruba. She barely had enough at the time of reporting to pay for her monthly swim in a pool of gold coins.

If you need a scapegoat for Big Suze’s financial woes, look no further than the 43 honourable Provosts who leech an average of $200,000 a year from McGill’s already dwindling endowment, in exchange for nothing but raising the COVID case count by refusing to move finals online. McGill is in such dire straits they might have to name another building after someone really rich soon.

Big Suze is currently living $50,000 paycheck to $50,000 paycheck, and that is frankly unacceptable. In order to try and remedy this grave injustice, we have started a GoFundMe campaign to ensure Big Suze can afford the most basic luxuries she deserves. Change clearly needs to happen, and if McCall-MacBain are too greedy to open up their wallets again, then we, the McGill community, will right this wrong.

Link to GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/x2cxv-give-big-suze-her-money

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