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The McGill (Nightly)

McGill's Second Least Trusted News Source

SSMU replaces French with Profanity as Second Official Language

02/02/2020|So many views|
SSMU at its most effective. Source: Common Knowledge.
SSMU at its most effective. Source: Common Knowledge.

After a long string of SSMU Facebook posts that included a lot of profanity and not a lot of English, SSMU has decided to replace French with Profanity as the Society’s second official language. The vote comes after a year where numerous emails dans francaise proved that neither SSMU nor Google Translate cares about francophones. The only consolation prize for French students is that SSMU’s official profanity will include words such as merde.

From now on, all students can come to SSMU and use as many profanities as they like as long as it cusses out the McGill Administration and not SSMU for not doing its job. A translator will be on hand to translate all profanity-laden speeches into real English, and from real English back into Profanity. SSMU also announced a new profanity fee will be joining the 523 other fees students are charged. Furthermore, the Vice President-University Affairs was renamed Vice President-Profanity Affairs in order to help implement profanity as an official language.

While most students disagree with making Profanity the second official language, the motion received high marks from the beloved napkin company and critically acclaimed satirical newspaper ‘The McGill Daily’. In removing French as an official language, the Daily no longer has to care about Le Delit. Instead, the Daily will be recognized as a bilingual paper, with their frequent article that only uses “f*#&” being an ode to the new language of Profanity.

The McGIll Nightly reached out to the SSMU for comment, but only received a string of profanities in response.

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