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The McGill (Nightly)

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Students Feel Abandoned and Uninformed After Receiving Only 400 Provost Emails This Week

23/01/2022|Lots of views|
The average McGill student’s inbox. Source: The average McGill student.
The average McGill student’s inbox. Source: The average McGill student.

Many McGill students reported feeling neglected and uninformed as McGill Provosts only sent out 400 emails this past week. MRO, the McGill Rambling Office, had lowered their email frequencies to 400 per week, worried that students would become too informed about the virtues of staying home when sick or wearing masks while indoors. We tried interviewing a student to learn more about the situation, but unfortunately they had nothing to share, as they were left completely in the dark by McGill this week.

The MRO’s decision to cut down emailing frequencies comes off the heels of a new format of shorter emails, designed to cut out every last important word in favour of incomprehensible jargon. “With all the important information gone, we can finally focus on what matters: producing our first email composed entirely of random words picked from a thesaurus”, the Provosts said in an email interview with the Nightly, albeit in much more esoteric language. When pressed for further comment, the Provosts stood silent in a show of unflappable stoicism.

At press time, the McGill Rambling Office returned to their usual 900 emails a week and students were once again fully informed.

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