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The McGill Nightly

McGill's Second Least Trusted News Source

Students Petition McGill To Allow Them to Cheat on Their Finals

12/12/2021|Lots of views|
Wow, McGill kids cheat so much they even <a href="https://www.mcgillnightly.ca/articles/student-on-your-left-in-fieldhouse-majoring-in-coughing-apparently" target="_blank">stole their photo</a> from us! Source: The McGill Nightly’s photographers
Wow, McGill kids cheat so much they even stole their photo from us! Source: The McGill Nightly’s photographers

McGill students took a brief break from their 200-person house parties to petition McGill to allow them to cheat on their finals, the Nightly reported last Tuesday. Students cited concerns about the virus as the reason for the petition, explaining that the virus is known to target those who work hard in school and achieve grades on their own merit.

The Nightly was made aware of this petition when our photo-viewing algorithm matched an unusually similar pair of photos, confirming that the author plagiarized our photo for use in the petition. We will be uploading a change.org petition soon to expel this student for their plagiarism, because here at the Nightly, we stand for integrity.

The petition continued on to explain that since McGill had allowed its students to cheat in their assignments, quizzes and midterms all semester, it made no sense to not allow them to cheat on their finals. Unfortunately, the petition was only posted one day before finals were set to start because it was only then that students realized simultaneously how unsafe the fieldhouse is and how much they didn’t study for their finals. Not surprisingly, McGill was unable to make any changes within a day, so McGill students lined up by the thousands outside the exam rooms in a show of support for cheating on their finals.

In dumber news, Concordia understood the safety concerns of its students, so it actively encouraged them to cheat on their finals. This resulted in Concordia seeing its highest average grades ever, with an average GPA of 3.8, or in percentage points, 48%.

At press time, Big Suze was earning nearly 1 million dollars a year.

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